Yesterday New York Attorney General Letitia James appointed veteran federal prosecutor Jacqueline Kelly to lead a criminal investigation into allegations that seven Cornell University students sexually assaulted a young woman at a fraternity house in 2024.
Whatever the outcome of the investigation, the allegations have already prompted broader cultural commentary about what's wrong with young men today. Writing for the Institute for Family Studies, Leonard Sax argues that too many boys are no longer taught how to behave like gentlemen.
Boys receive endless lectures on what they should not be, while the cultural manual for positive male behavior remains suspiciously short on practical guidance.
Sax's central point is difficult to quarrel with: Boys should be taught self-control, and a decent man does not take advantage of a drunk or vulnerable woman. But as an explanation for what has gone wrong between young men and women, "teach them to be gentlemen" only gets us so far.
What would Cary do?
Teaching a young man 19th-century chivalry to navigate 21st-century sexual politics is like handing a soldier a musket to fight a drone strike. Modern courtship has become an administrative nightmare, and telling men to just be better behaved misdiagnoses the larger breakdown.
The modern American male operates in a culture that demands traditional performance while actively rejecting traditional roles. He's encouraged to open doors, organize every outing, pay for expensive dinners, start every conversation, and project unshakable confidence. Minutes later, he discovers that following his grandfather's romantic playbook can come off as patronizing. The rules shift depending on who sits across the table.
A modern man needs Cary Grant's courtly manners, the emotional intelligence of a licensed therapist, and the legal liability instincts of a seasoned corporate risk manager. He executes all three roles flawlessly, yet still gets ghosted before he reaches home.
Opening a car door used to be the heavy lifting. A young man walked up to a front porch, met a father, took a young woman to dinner, and generally knew what sort of ritual he was participating in. Today, that same man exchanges text messages for three weeks with a profile picture. Too often, the person looks little like the photo or has no intention of ever leaving her couch. He repeats this digitized vetting process with other profiles while she does the same.
Society preserved the grand rhetoric of traditional romance while methodically destroying many of the social environments that made it functional.
'An efficient livestock market'
The average guy no longer competes only against the man next door. He competes inside a technological marketplace built around endless choice and rapid judgment. Dating apps turned intimate selection into something resembling an efficient livestock market. A man gets sorted in seconds according to his looks, height, job, hairline, and ability to write a witty caption.
A steady, loyal, hard-working guy can disappear instantly because his vacation photo is poorly lit. Somewhere in a studio apartment, a fantastic potential husband is getting swiped past because he doesn't own a yacht or a golden retriever.
Research actually confirms part of the absurdity. A 2025 study of more than 5,000 swiping decisions found physical attractiveness overwhelmingly more important to initial selection than intelligence, occupation, height, or biography. Other research using Hinge data found users spent only seconds examining potential matches before deciding whether to proceed.
This is not an environment designed to reveal character.
Contradictory instructions
Meanwhile, much of the advice aimed at young men consists of contradictory instructions. Be confident, but avoid looking arrogant. Show vulnerability, but never act needy or overly emotional. Take charge of planning, but don't seem controlling. Pay the bill, but don't imagine generosity entitles you to anything.
Boys receive endless lectures on what they should not be, while the cultural manual for positive male behavior remains suspiciously short on practical guidance.
A guy has to survive digital screening before he gets a chance to show basic decency in person. He arranges the evening, coordinates the logistics, dodges conversational landmines, and prays his natural humor translates into audible laughter. Then the bill arrives, landing with the weight of a court judgment.
He filled out the application, passed the preliminary background check, paid for the refreshments, and now waits patiently for a call that may never arrive.
The conversation around chivalry also tends to focus on what men must bring to the transaction. In an era that screams for complete gender equality, many of the old expectations placed on men remain remarkably durable. Initiate. Plan. Impress. Pay. Be confident. Absorb rejection gracefully.
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Whose standards?
Women are perfectly entitled to have standards for the men they date. Men are entitled to standards too. Yet male preferences are often treated as evidence of entitlement while female preferences are defended as healthy boundaries. Equality usually implies a two-way street. Modern dating can feel more like a one-sided audition.
And then we wonder why young men increasingly want nothing to do with it.
Too many parents and far too many schools abandoned their duty to teach boys what adulthood requires, leaving algorithm engineers and online shock jocks to fill the vacuum. Pornography offers a distorted view of intimacy, while internet gurus preach bitter, transactional warfare, casting the dating market as a battlefield and the average woman as an enemy to be manipulated and dominated.
Sax is right about one important thing. Boys need standards. They need restraint. They need to learn that strength includes the ability to govern themselves, especially around women who are vulnerable.
But a gentleman needs a culture in which gentlemanly behavior makes sense.
When traditional paths are branded toxic, modern dating advice contradicts itself, and courtship increasingly takes place through apps designed around instant judgment and endless alternatives, young men should not surprise us by retreating.
I believe the gentleman still exists. America remains full of decent, honest young men who would gladly step up if given the chance.
Whether the modern dating world knows what to do with them is another matter.
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[H/T Blaze Media]
